puzzle

When You're No Longer A Priority

9:31 PM

When you're no longer a priority, then ... 
Actually i don't even sure what i'm gonna post this time 
I can't describe how i feel clearly 
Another time maybe
Hmm 

puzzle

Gross Feelings Ha?

11:25 PM

Don't know why I'm just so easily to rise and down (re: heart). Once I received super tiny happiness, I felt like I was the happiest girl in the world. And on another time I received small rejection, I felt so damn hurt inside. These things were so gross I know.

I just want to express my feeling. I just want to show how I really feel. That's all. I won't reply with the same rejection. I just want to feel that I loved. I feel really pain every time you did this to me. But, I can't do anything. Cause I know it can be worst and I'll feel more pain.

Every time these shit happened, I always want to punch your head and yell. How could you do this to me? Am I ever did something wrong to you? I really want to ask. Do you feel the same thing with me? Do you? Am I alone here? Must I struggling alone here? Maybe I can do this. But, you know? I'm still a woman. With these all feelings.

What should I do then? You got annoyed every time I did this. I know. Then, must I just let this feeling go? Or turn this love to be hate? So that, I would never feel anything every time you rejected me? Or what?

Okay, I'll do it
But I wouldn't be the same
Cause I'm still a women

daily reminder

Love Letter to Allah

7:04 PM

Source: Pinterest
There's so much things I've done wrong all this time. But, again and again. Always end like this. 
Allah give me countless love who can't be received from any living thing in this world. My tear streaming down, deep inside my heart while i typed this post. When Allah keeps giving me chances, I return with really much of sins. As a superior living thing, I must be so shame. 

Aku ini tidak tau diri. Sesuka hati. Terlalu tenang atau tidak peduli. Merasa umur yang diberi akan sampai pada helai uban terakhir. Ya Allah, aku lelah memberi janji yang tidak pernah tertepati. Kalau boleh mengemis lagi, tolong cabut rasa ingin berbuat dosa ini. Jangan beri aku hukuman. Beri aku peringatan. 

Engkau lebih dari sekedar teman atau saudara. Engkau lebih dekat dari itu semua. Maaf Ya Allah, selama ini aku merasa hanya satu-satunya yang paling tersakiti. Tetapi ternyata aku juga tersangka. Beri aku sedikit kebijaksanaan-Mu, sedikit saja. I don't want to give any bullshit anymore 


Love, H

daily reminder

Overthinking Could Shorten Your Age

8:26 PM

It's been a while since my last post on September, 2014

Okay, i'll try to write bilingually both in Bahasa and English from now *sok jago *palingan tetep banyakan pake Indonesianya *-_-

Hmm, ternyata lumayan terasa juga rindunya. hampir 2 tahun sejak "my proper post". Post pertama tahun ini aku akan sedikit bercerita ah, bukan cerita, ini curhat. Curhat tentang overthinking. Sesuai judul post ini, Overthinking Could Shorten Your Age, bukan hasil research atau semacamnya. Hanya mencari sinonim dari frasa super populer, Overthinking Could Kill You. 

Aku, entah sejak kapan adalah seorang overthinker luar biasa. Mungkin bila dipikir dengan kepala dingin masalahku bahkan bisa saja tidak sampai disebut sebagai sebuah masalah. Hampir seperti depresi tapi Alhamdulillah, in sya Allah aku masih sehat :'(

Bisa saja tiba-tiba melamun atau bahkan menangis hanya karena memikirkan sesuatu yang bahkan mungkin belum terjadi. Mungkin this useless activity is one of sinful activity. Kenapa? Ya secara tidak langsung kita mengira-mengira dan seperti mendahului takdir yang bahkan belum terjadi di kehidupan kita. Seharusnya, sebaiknya, andai aku cukup bijaksana hal yang harus dilakukan adalah banyak berdoa. Cukup itu saja mungkin obat yang bisa menyembuhkan. Usaha pun sudah dilakukan, mungkin memang belum yang terbaik. Namun, ingin memperbaiki dengan mengembalikan waktu juga mustahil. Kebanyakan memang berakar dari penyesalan sehingga membuahkan overthinking.

Back to title, overthinking might be reduce your age. If I'm not mistaken, if you want to life last longer, your brain need much of serotonin hormone that only can provide with happiness. And overthinking is not those kind of thing at all. It could kill your happiness and could kill your serotonin, that's how you could die faster :(((

Maybe, this circumstances will end, if only the result has out. But if, the result won't be the same as our wish that will be causing the second super terrible overthinking. Sumpah, memang cuma doa saja yang bisa memperbaiki keadaan. Dan yang paling penting adalah belajar ikhlas. Just lay the whole of you to Allah. Allah will heal you. Aku pun masih terlalu lemah untuk belajar ilmu tingkat dewa ini. Tapi, if you want to life longer that's the only medicine which can cure it. 


Good Luck ! 
Don't give up 

*semoga bukan salah satu bullshit list ku :( 

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